two years ago...

First and foremost, I know - I've been MIA for too long!  I just happened to realize during some quiet time this evening that blogging is much like my PiYo class -it takes my stress away.  I have got to get back into my blogging habit.  I dearly miss it.

I sit here in the still of the evening reflecting on the past two years.  Just this past year alone has been quite a roller coaster.  There have been things taken from us - loved ones, and special things that we held very dear.  There were times when tears just seemed like the only thing to do.  But then there were also extremely wonderful things. Last summer Dexter proposed, and we have been planning our wedding that will be happening in a few months.  Through our ups and downs, we have remained steady and true.  It's amazing to think how far we have come in the past two years.  

On April 9, two years ago my life changed forever.  As I sat on the best first date of my life, somewhere in the back of my mind I remember thinking - this is a good thing.  It was more than a good thing.  It was happiness.  Dex and I have been reminiscing about that night and what each of us remembers.  I remember that we were almost late for the movie, because we were talking so much at dinner.  He remembers that I couldn't quit fiddling with my straw wrapper.  He opened all the doors for me.  Brought me purple flowers.  Told me he would really like to see me again.  Here we are two years later, and I still catch myself staring at him sometimes.  I think to myself, the Lord blessed me with this man.  I sat around thinking I would never find a mate.  Dexter is so much more than I ever dreamed I would find.  He is my very best friend.  We laugh together and act silly all the time.  He is my confidant.  I tell and trust him with things I never did or would anyone else.  And he is the love of my life.  I didn't know love like this really existed.  I'm excited about what the rest of our lives hold and the adventures we will go on together.  But most of all, I am so excited that our next anniversary, I will be celebrating as his wife! I love you Dexter Parks!

Thankfulness...

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Last week pastor Ryan asked me if I would be willing to give a testimony in church about what I am thankful for.  He also added that he would be focusing on being thankful for our freedom in his message, and that I could add to that in my testimony.

When I think about what I am thankful for, the first and foremost thing that comes to mind is my salvation.  The greatest gift that was ever bestowed upon me was when Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross for me.  I am also thankful that I have always believed in God and never doubted my faith in him.  I have led a life that I have put the Lord first and always trusted in him and where he was leading me.  Through this, I have had a very blessed life.

I love the facebook tradition during the month of November of posting something different you are thankful for each day.  I actively participate in this.  Each day I think about something different I feel blessed to have in my life and give thanks for it.  I have been provided a very blessed life.

I have been raised by two extraordinary parents who set forth a wonderful Christian example for me and my brother.  They took care of us and gave us everything we needed and more.  Life in our house was not only comfortable, but enjoyable.  We always knew how to enjoy each other and have fun.  I am thankful to say that I have had a wonderful childhood thanks to my parents, and my brother.  I am one of those fortunate people to say that I have always been close friends with my brother.  Even though we lead our own separate lives today, we still come together and laugh and have the best time when we are together.  I am thankful for my family.

I am lucky enough to say that I have found love.  Around a year and a half ago I started dating Dexter.  Now he is my best friend, and the love of my life.  I am thankful for the opportunity to spend the rest of my life with him.  I am blessed to be able to plan this wedding, and even more fortunate to have the means to have a wedding celebration this coming July.

I am thankful that I have the necessities of every day life.  I am not wanting for food each day at meal times.  I have plenty of blankets, clothing, and toiletry type items.  And my items for entertainment are abundant enough that some might think I needed less.  I have all that I need, and much more.

I have a job that I not only get to go to every day and get paid to do it, but I LOVE it!  I am thankful that I have been able to do a job that brings me joy for eight year now.  The real blessing of my job is that I learn something new all the time.  It is funny how much these little guys teach me on a daily basis.  And it may sound silly, but children's books teach great lessons.  It's very interesting as an adult to read books that are aimed to teach children a lesson, and I get something out of them as well.  Sometimes the meaning I get out of the book is not its intention, but I know it is the Lord speaking to me in a way that I will understand, and enjoy.  I am thankful for this.

After Ryan asked me to speak on being thankful  for freedom, I began reading a book to my class about Thanksgiving.  Since it is November, and we love our Junie B. Jones First Grader series, we started her new book: Turkeys We Have Loved and Eaten (and Other Thankful Stuff).  For those of you who have never read these books, Junie B is a very active child.  She has an active imagination as well, and she is always saying something interesting and most of the time humerus.  In this book, her teacher asks the class to make a list of things they are thankful for.  When the class starts only listing tasty food items they enjoy as the only thing they are thankful for, their teacher tries to give them another example of something to be thankful for.  He says, "...there are other things to be thankful for boys and girls.  For one thing, in our country we're lucky to have freedom.  Freedom is one reason the Pilgrims came to America.  Did anyone put freedom on your Thankful list?"  While all of the children look at their list and ponder over what he has just said a boy named Roger stands up and says, "We're only six.  We don't really have any freedom.  I'm not even allowed to cross the street by myself."  A boy named Jose continues, " I have to go to bed at seven-thirty.  And half the time it's still light outside!"  Then Herbert stands up to say, "Well, wait till you hear this one!  I have to eat cooked carrots or I don't get a cookie after dinner.  And I am forced to take a multi-vitamin!  Does that sound like freedom?"  Their teacher then realizes what a concept freedom is, and tries to reach his class on a new level by letting them be thankful for the rainbow sprinkles, toilet paper, and money that they chose initially to add to their list.  And he goes on to say that part of freedom means, they can be thankful for whatever they wish.  So this week, I realized with my class that being thankful for freedom doesn't necessarily mean we are thankful for getting to vote, or the opportunity to better ourselves through an education, but it means we can be thankful for the freedom to eat Kit Kats cause they are our favorite candy bar, or thankful for our favorite stuffed elephant who we can always depend on.  My class taught me that being thankful for freedom is quite a big concept.  And I am thankful for them.

the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...

A tragic event has happened to my family this week.  Wednesday morning, my Grandma Flo was walking across the street down town in Carmi, and hit by a semi truck.  She instantly went to Heaven.  There was no pain, there was no suffering, there was only peace for her in that instant when she went where the good Lord took her - to be with Grandpa Kenny.  

There is no time to prepare for a tragedy such as this.  You are never really ready to let someone you love go - but in this type of circumstance, the floor is just swept out from under you.  You never think this will happen to you, and you just can't seem to get a complete grasp on the entire situation.  I thought I had so much more time with her.  

She was one of the strongest women I ever knew.  My entire life, I think I only saw her sick once.  I remember it was quite odd that Grandma went to take a nap on one of our Sunday afternoon visits.  I had just never seen that before.  Sure, Grandpa and Dad napped every Sunday - and made it a competition to see who could catch the other napping first- but not Grandma. She said she just didn't feel great.  I guess not - she had such a big gallstone, that it erupted her gallbladder and was admitted into the hospital. 

She was never really sick, she didn't take medications, and she kept on going when others thought she should slow down.  She mowed her own huge yard at the age of 81.  She continued to have a glorious garden that she reaped the benefits of its bounty through canning the goods, as well as just having fresh fruits and vegetables daily at her table.  She sewed for others, as well as for herself.  She made the most beautiful quilts.  Every formal dress I have ever had, she has made alterations to them.  Every prom, homecoming, and bridesmaid dress was made perfect for me by Grandma.  I wish she would be here to do the same for my wedding dress.

Every person has fond memories of their grandmother's cooking - and I am no different.  You could be sure that every time we visited there would be Oatmeal Raisin Cookies in the brown cookie jar, and Tang in the refrigerator.  If Davy was home, there would be Blarney's in the white Tupperware box.  Every year at my birthday, she made me a big bag of beef or deer jerky.  I always jumped for joy and dug right into that treat.  She taught me how to make that jerky, and now Dexter frequently requests me to make it.  She also taught me how to make home made donuts.  I remember quite a few times getting to help drop them and glaze them, but we took an entire day together and I learned the process from start to finish.  What a fun day with a fantastic treat at the end.  I treasure that day and memory.  

Even though this is an extremely difficult time, I find comfort in a few things. I know that my grandmother loved me and was proud of my life.  She let me know that she was proud that I became a teacher, got a house, and did what I set out to do in life.  And when I decided to marry a farm boy, she smiled at me and said - it's a great life.  Just this last week someone told me that in life the many good times will outweigh the bad and make them disappear.  I feel as though that is what will eventually happen here.  It may take a long time, but soon enough my family and I will only remember the good times, and let this feeling of sorrow pass.  Spending time in Grandma's  house this week, I took the time to look at everything hanging on her wall.  I have seen it all many times, but this week it stood out to me that on two different walls of her house is the Serenity Prayer.  What a wonderful thing for Grandma to leave to give me some peace during this difficult time.  God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.  I cannot change what happened to her.  As much as I wish I could. - Trusting that God will make all things right if I surrender to His will.  That I may be happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.  I know she had a great life, and was happy - but more importantly, I know she is supremely happy now in Heaven with the good Lord, and with Grandpa Kenny.  I'm just so happy they are together again.  I can almost hear both of their very distinctive laughs.  I know they are very happy today.

adventures of the bride to be: engagement pictures!

This Thursday afternoon Dexter and I did one of our first wedding activities - we got engagement pictures taken.  So far, the only wedding type things that we have done is "book" something.  We have decided where we are getting married, where the reception will be, and who our photographer is - and more importantly "booked them".  I am the kind of person that feels better and less stressed if I get a contract signed and the date set.  I even have an appointment at David's Bridal in a few weeks.  

So needless to say, I was pumped about actually getting to DO something for the wedding!  I haven't had pictures taken like this since I was getting my Senior pics taken.  Got to tell you, this was SO much more fun.  I got to wear my brand new purple dress, my favorite boots, and bright color in every picture! (of course this was not just one outfit)  We changed cloths every time we moved to a different background.  And that's the other super fantastic thing about these pics - we had them taken out at Dex's farm.  We also popped over to his parents' farm for the last photos so we could use their red barn and pond.  It was just a neat experience getting to be ourselves and having these precious moments captured with us, being us.  We went from hay bails to fields with little flowers and fall colored leaves.  Then we took a few on the old bridge over the railroad tracks.  And a couple of fun ones in front of the tractors.  We ended our sessions in front of the barn, and then by the pond.  All of these places are locations where we have spent time together getting to know each other, and falling more in love.  It's quite special to have these places forever in our hearts, as well as our engagement pictures.  

I can NOT wait to see them!  I wait patiently for Autumn to post a few sneak peeks on facebook.  When I say patiently, I mean that every time I get on facebook I check her page to see if she has posted any yet, and I think about them constantly- wondering if all those times I was looking in his eyes and laughing/smiling made me look weird.  Now that it's over I sit around and wonder- did my hair go flat? did I look chunky? were there alot with my eyes closed? (I tend to close my eyes in pics alot) how did those turn out? which will be my favorite?  And the list goes on and on.  I'm trying hard not to go all Brideszilla about the first thing I have done for the wedding, but I really want to see them!  I don't know if I can wait all weekend for a sneak peek!

Whenever I do see them, and more importantly- get them- I will post them for you guys to see as well.  I am getting really excited about all the wedding stuff to come!  The time is finally here for me to really start doing stuff for the wedding.  I had to play the waiting game for a while, but the clock is starting to tick - and items must be decided and planned.  The next chapter of this series will be in a few weeks when I go to my appointment at David's Bridal to look for THE DRESS!  I will let you know how that adventure goes. :)

Stressful September...

Another school year has began and gotten into full swing.  It is a very exciting time of year for a teacher.  A new class of little ones to have another year of fun with.  It's very much like a new friendship.  You are getting to know each other and the best way to communicate in order to have the best time together.  Although August is when a teacher traditionally first meets her/his new class, September is when you REALLY meet your new class.  The honeymoon period is over, and now it is time to really learn about each other.  

I always read books to my class.  I like to keep a theme going on the types of picture books I read.  You can always find me reading a chapter book like Junie B. Jones to my class, but I usually have a display of picture books that are carrying a common theme.  During our beginning weeks of school and running through the first part of September, I focus on good behavior and starting school themed picture books.  Last year I bought a new book to add to this collection.  This is the first year I have read it to my class.  The name of the book is This Is The Teacher.  It is one of those books that builds on the previous page kind of like the song, The Twelve Days of Christmas.  So as I keep reading, the list keeps getting bigger and bigger.  In this case, the list is of things that the teacher sees and deals with at school in a given day.  It starts out so optimistic and happy.  Here is the first picture in the book.

Look at her - she is so happy and excited to start the day.  For those of you who aren't teachers, we all start out this way pretty much every day.  I love this about my job.  Every day is a new beginning.  I tell my kids this all the time - each day is a new start.  We all make mistakes, and have bad days- tomorrow we start over again.  And honestly with First Graders, it REALLY is always like this.  We could have a terrible day and all leave upset and mad, and when those kids come back through my door they are giving me hugs and smiles and happy to be back.  This is a wonderful thing about little kids.  No grudges.

Another thing I like about this book is all the crazy things it talks about a teacher dealing with in a day.  It mentions such things as the water fountain leaking and causing some kind hallway mayhem, to some kid bringing a pet snake that gets loose in the cafeteria.  Some of you may think that sounds a little out there....teachers know this is a viable possibility on any given day, and we take that chance when we enter the door every day.  I'm sure not all of you have first aid kits in your desk drawer.  I do.  I have band aids big enough to cover an adult knee.  We have to be ready for anything.  

Of course the book mentions all the cautions from the classroom itself as well.  Honestly September is a time when we all are just trying to learn how to live together in one room all day every day for entire year.  There are 23 of us in my room right now including me.  That's 23 people that stay in one room together for the entire day.  I'm not going to lie, some days it is a challenge.  There are so many things that can be distracting to the kids, and myself to keep us from our goal of learning together for 180 days.  September is the time when we learn from each other, how can we do this best?  What ways will we learn the best?  What should I say to grab your attention the most?  Does this class learn better from me acting like a fool some days to stress a point or lesson topic?  Should I plan experiments with manipulatives they can hold...or just see?  This is our time of discovery within ourselves.  Again, I won't lie to you, there are days I go home needing a nap badly.  But there are also days when I discover the right thing to say or do that makes those eyes light up and I know I found it.  September helps me get to more of those days.  It will take a bit of work, but we get there.  Even if some days I go home at 3:30........

....it's SO worth it!!!!

   

a good book can do that...

I just finished reading a great book!  I say that it is a great book because of what this book stirred inside of me because I read it.  Now you might read this book and not really care for it much.  In fact some will say it's not their style, they didn't think it was anything special, and they would rather just go see the movie.  It doesn't matter.  To me, it was great.  I believe it is not the book itself that we rate, but what kind of emotional, mental, or even physical reaction we have to the book that we rate.  We aren't looking for how well they composed sentences, or manipulated the English language when we get down to telling our opinion about a book.  We critique how it made us feel.  I love when you read a book that makes you look at your own life in some manner.  I like them even more when they cause me to once again be thankful and recognize instances in my life that are truly worth noting.  When a book makes me want to write my own story or version, it gets a great review from me.


I just finished reading One Day.  This is not particularly the best piece of literature I have ever read, but I do enjoy this feeling I have after finishing it.  This book made me laugh, cry, and more importantly - reflect.  I'm not going to try and give anything away from the story - but it's basically about how two friends came to know and love each other.  It goes through years of their friendship reflecting back on one day - July 15- the day they first became friends.  It takes you through the good and the bad for each of them as their lives go on independent of each other.  The touching part of this story, is how they always somehow become linked back to each other, even when their lives take them on separate paths.  They always have the other person on their mind.  They are always wondering about the other person and intrigue is usually present.  


This makes me think of my own story, and how wonderful it is to think of the memories I share of my own Dexter even before we were together.  (The main guy in One Day is also named Dexter!)  This book made me think back to times before we were together where there was intrigue, curiosity, and of course mild flirting.  At least I tried to.  Those might have been failed attempts, but in my mind I was flirting it up, and I stick to that story. :)  I think back on times when I saw him and didn't know him, but wanted to.  My story with my Dexter isn't anything like One Day or it's story - it just made me remember those times when I spotted him somewhere and couldn't help but tried to watch without being obvious.  I thought about how if I knew he was going to be around I would try and dress in an outfit I believed made me look cuter, therefore increasing my confidence.  It made me realize how special our story is as well.  Maybe someday I will write about our story.  But even if I don't I have the story in my head.  These precious memories will never fade away. 


A book sparks something inside of you that makes you emotionally react. I love it when a good book can do that. 

This may be the beginning of a beautiful summer...

Another school year has ended.  This always is a bittersweet time of year for me.  Although I am starting my summer vacation - which is very exciting - I have to say goodbye to my family of first graders to do it.  I call them my family because for an entire year we spend every week day together.  We have to learn things about each other to not only make it through the year, but to have a great time together.  I love every one of my first graders, and think of them as "my kids".  I do special things for them throughout the year because they are so precious to me.  It is hard when the school year ends and I must say goodbye.  I will get a new group of kids in August, and we will again learn things about each other and start to have load of fun as well.  It's just hard at first letting them go to move on.


Now I am in my first week of vacation.  Thursday was my first official full day off of work.  I am very lucky to say that my wonderful boyfriend, Dexter has the same vacation. :)  We decided to make our first day of vacation a great kick off to this summer.  We ventured to St Louis and attended one of the last days of Star Trek the Exhibition at the Science Center.  As we are walking around and getting very excited about our pictures on the bridge of the Enterprise, I realized how lucky I am.  I have never dated anyone who shared my adoration for science fiction as Dexter does.  I can be my complete dorky self with him!  Never do I have to hide something that I love, because most of the time, he loves the same thing.  Now don't misunderstand me, there are still some guilty pleasures of mine he does not share the same longing to do as I - watching The Bachelor of Bachelorette, One Tree Hill, Dawson's Creek, making crafts, or polishing my nails funky colors - but for the most part, we are very similar.  I think this is one of the things that drew me to him early on in our dating.  We both love science fiction and we don't care who knows it!  My brother is the only friend of mine who ever really liked these kinds of movies and shows - so when Dexter came along, I was really excited.  We both really studied the Star Trek timeline that connected every movie and series and all the characters together like we would be tested afterwards.  When we walked past the replica of Jean Luc Picard's quarters on the ship, we stood in awe.  It was a really fun experience to share together.  It make me realize how lucky we are to have each other.  I wouldn't want to be with anyone else.  Not only did we have a great time getting our science fiction on - but he also took me to my favorite store, Express.  He was patient and helpful, and made me stare at him with adoring eyes the rest of the night.  And if that wasn't enough, we ended the day with dinner at Joe's Crab Shack.  We both LOVE crab legs!  I just don't know how the day could have been any better.  I was able to do so many things that I just LOVE, but I shared them with Dexter, who also loves these things.  It was one of those days when I saw what the Lord has been seeing for years.  One days like Thursday I know that he put both of us in this place at this time to be together.  He knew we would mesh so well together and made everything in our past not seem right or what we really wanted until we met each other.  The Lord has blessed us with a love and friendship that I am thankful for daily.  This is one happy girl!